This is just a couple odds and ends, random bits of news.
Apology for Last Week
I know I didn’t post last week and I wanted to offer a sincere apology for that. The past few months . . . they’ve been incredibly rough. I wanted to give a brief explanation, because there’s a chance that I might need a day or week off every now and again in the future.
I have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), have had it all my life. Because of this, I wasn’t allowed to learn another language in school. Neurotypical students were given the option to take another language in middle school, while students with diagnosed learning disabilities were put in study hall. From a young age, I was fascinated with language and not being allowed to learn a second language was not only humiliating, it was heartbreaking.
I tried to learn Greek when I was earning my degree and was absolutely terrible at it, but good heavens, was it fun! I sucked at it, but I was allowed to learn it and that’s all I wanted. Had I be given a few more years, I probably would have been halfway decent. Unfortunately, I was only able to take a year of it before I graduated.
Recently, I decided to learn ASL. I really want to learn another language, being fluent in at least two languages is a dream of mine. I signed up at my local community college, having forgotten some past experiences I had at the place (which should have left permanent red flags). I passed ASL I and II. In January, I started ASL III.
I really don’t want to go into detail about what happened, it’s still really painful to remember, but from January until April, I was regularly subjected to ableist abuse from the students in the class, including being shamed for having a learning disability. It got so terrible that I wound up having to medically withdraw from the course (as well as another one I was taking). I realized that I would have rather been dead than in that class and wound up having a panic attack that almost landed me in the hospital. All because I wanted to learn a language.
I wound up lodging a complaint with the college. I am currently in the process of trying to get a refund for the course, which looks likely to happen (based on the sheer amount of fuck ups that happened). I have been assured that this sort of situation will never happen again.
Since April, I’ve been recovering from the experience (and the subsequent anxiety that it triggered. Oh and all the brand new triggers, which is just so much fun [sarcasm]). Some days, I wake up and my entire body feels like an exposed nerve and everything hurts and it just reminds me of that damn class. I’m still trying to get back to a place of confidence, back to my badass self, but it’s difficult. Some days are better than others. Some days are still a struggle. Keeping up this site helps a lot (as it did when I was going through the worst of that experience). Seeing friends also helps. I had lunch with the phenomenal H-P Lehkonen in April (though I fear I was quite out of it at the time). I went to WisCon in Madison with my dear friend, Leigh, in May where I met a couple followers of this blog (it was lovely seeing you 🙂 ) and had dinner with a bunch of aces. In July, I went to Indy PopCon in Indianapolis, where I saw Hallopino, who I interviewed for this site a while back, met a whole bunch of aces, and got to hang out with my bestie (we went to see Wonder Woman! It was awesome!). I also got to see my bestie again a couple weeks later for her birthday.
Anyhow, I wanted to apologize because I feel like I’m letting the followers of this blog down. Some of you have written really lovely messages that I haven’t been able to respond to because of all the shit I’ve been dealing with relating to this f’ing class. I am so sorry. Please know that your kind words were very appreciated when I was in a really bad place (I am so grateful to all of you). And then I just completely burned out last week and couldn’t upload the four interviews I had waiting in my inbox. I am very sorry. You guys deserve better. I am really, really trying. I really am. I promise that if I ever burn out again, I’ll post a short post to let you know that’s the case.
Thanks for your patience.
Happy Exciting News! 😀
While all the shit with that class was happening, I was still hard at work on the reboot of my series. Unfortunately, the severe anxiety and panic attacks meant I had to push back the release date. It was supposed to happen in August, but I’m lucky enough to have great friends who tell me to take care of myself first (I probably would have had a complete breakdown had I tried to release the series in August).
BUT! That means I get to re-release my series on my favorite day of the year: Halloween! YAY!
My wonderful friend and fellow ace author, Lyssa Chiavari, has been helping me set up everything in anticipation of the book’s release. You guys, the first two pages are live!
I know some of you have already read the previous versions and I hope you’ll give the series another chance, now that it has been professionally edited (and beta read by another dear friend, Taia Hartman). These are the books I wanted to write, told in my voice. I poured everything into these books and I’m really happy with the result. I’m so grateful to Snowy Wings Publishing for giving me this wonderful opportunity. It feels like a dream.
I have to warn you that September and October are going to be ridiculously as I continue to prepare for this re-release. So there might be a couple days I go M.I.A. It’s super important to me that I get this right. Thank you in advance for your understanding 🙂
I’ll probably post a reminder closer to the release date, which I hope followers won’t mind.
As some followers of this site are aware, my birthday is September 27th. As usual, I’m requesting you find some way to support asexual identifying artists (either by supporting their work or by offering them some kind words).
However, I have a teeny request: my fundraiser for the trip to Baltimore is still going on. I really need to raise the funds for this trip (still need a little less than $200 to reach my goal). Anything you could spare would be greatly appreciated: https://www.youcaring.com/laurenjankowski-878223
I’m terrible at fundraisers (and it has been hard to focus on this with all the other stuff going on). I cannot reiterate that enough: I am so bad at promoting myself. But I really want to do this. I know that I could really contribute to this panel and I want this experience.
Anyhow, that’s about it.
OH! Please keep those interview requests coming. I only have four scheduled for next week.
Thanks, everyone! 🙂 ❤